Petal

Each turn of the flower

He loves me

He loves me not

He loves me 

He loves me not

Turn the flower again, girl

The spin makes me dizzy

The scent drives me mad

Keep turning 

Keep plucking 

If only this flower would stop

Regrowing its petals

This long, unending love chase

Has no happily ever after 

Safe

I am difficult to love. 

Full of doubt, insecurity. 

Far too familiar with being used. 

A broken and battered thing. 

Never had time to let the cuts

Turn to scars. 

Exposed and raw. 

Frightened and alone. 

Black and blue. 

Lost and drowning. 

And Harbor is so far away. 

Adore

The single word
Is a lightning bolt
It jolts me awake
It makes me want another
And another
The word is beautiful
Comforting
Addictive
Each time changing me
Into something new
A soul breathing for the first time
Over and over again

The First Lie

 

 

            “Are you okay?”

            It was a simple enough question. And yet instantly time stopped and my brain was flooded with a million thoughts.

            Four years together. Four years that boiled down to this single moment. His confession was surprising but not completely unsuspected. I wasn’t a fool. I just never thought he’d admit it.

            My mind raced to hang on to the good things. The dinners. The laughter. The late night phone calls. My four years were spent telling him any thing and everything.  The first person I’d ever wanted to share all of my truths. And standing on this precipice of knowledge that I’d shared more than I ever had before with someone crushed my soul. I wanted to run away. I wanted to reject his words. I wanted to pretend nothing had changed. And yet here was his truth. His truth staring me in the eyes. His truth breaking my heart into a million pieces. His truth demanding an answer I could not give.

            What benefit was there in telling my truths any more?

             I raised my eyes. 

            “I’m fine.”

 

 

 

Cage

I don't want to go. 

I'm begging. 

Throwing myself at your feet. 

Please don't make me. 

The collar burns my throat. 

You have your boys take my arms. 

Heels dragging. 

Sobbing pleas. 

Pulling me back to the cage. 

I don't want to go back. 

I fight and twist to escape. 

It's for nothing. 

The distant eyes hide feeling. 

The cloaked face reveals nothing. 

I can't go back. 

Please please not again. 

I land hard against the wall of my box. 

The boys leave me. 

And there is the return of The Nothing. 

CLINK goes the lock

That echoes into forever. 

HigherArchy

Heel - the low, the servant 

Quick to please for rising up

Through the ranks is important. 

Hip - the crucial joint joining

Top and bottom. Dedicated to keeping things held together. 

Hand - the one willing to do

What is necessary. For good or nil. 

No questions asked. 

Heart - as close as close can be. 

Treasured. Loved. Protected. 

Adored. 

Head - the one who controls it all 

And does whatever she

Damn well pleases. 

Exist

It seems I exist. 

But in a self-contained world 

I can create whatever truth suits me. 

But do I truly exist 

Until someone else thinks about me? 

Do their thoughts bring me to life? 

Do their longings put breath in my lungs? 

Do their wishes create the spark 

That is my soul? 

And how do I exist without you? 

skinDeep

Beautiful girl

Windswept girl

Brush the hair from your eyes

And don't be afraid 

To let the world see

What I do. 

Stunning girl

Dancing girl 

I'll hold your hand

While you share your smile. 

It brightens your eyes 

And highlights your soul.

The beauty resides within.

Thrown

The last glass of wine

Downed

Dead silent 

Save the crackle of fire

No point looking at the time

Darkness tells the story

Speaks the truth

I look at the mantle

People in stone homes

Shouldn't throw glass.  

Drive

Inspiration 

The Muse

It drives you

Joy

Sadness

Loss

Gain

The flash of knowledge 

Back in the Garden 

Realizing you'd been naked all along. 

Circus

Straight faced

Straight laced 

Corset pinches at the waist. 

Make up on

Tears all gone 

Never let them know what's wrong.

High heel

Book deal

Hiding what you really feel. 

Spotlight

Long night

Chin up. It will be alright. 

Unwanted

Hideous creatures.

Ugly distorted bodies. 

Fanged teeth and yellowed claws.

Unloved.

Cast out.

Rejected.

They hunch over muddied earth

And glare hatefully at each other. 

They hiss and shriek when someone

Gets too close anymore. 

And I will feel right at home.