Saturday, May 5, 2012

Unwritten Diaries Amanda #1

I hate my older sister. She’s perfect. Smart. Funny. Pretty. Popular. Everything my parents remind me I‘m not. “Be more like your sister; she has good grades.” “Be more like your sister; look how many friends she has.” “Be more like your sister; a little make up wouldn’t hurt you.”  
And so I sit here. Box cutter as my only confidante. Just a little nick I tell it. And it always listens.
Nick. Nick. Nick. 
 It doesn’t care that I don’t wear eye liner. It doesn’t care that I try so hard to get a C. It doesn’t care that I’ll never be prom queen. I let the little dribbles of red run to the tip of my toenail. Red is my favorite color. No one will know once I put on my socks and shoes. So it’s really no big deal. Red give me strength to get through tomorrow.

Unwritten Diaries Sophette #1

Sophette I saw it again today. It was right after third period. Everyone was trudging down the hall to make their next class. There was May. Loud. Brash. The kind of girl who pats herself on the back for making others feel small. Most of the students here think she’s hysterical. I can’t be the only one who thinks she’s out of control. So we were all just trying to make it to class. But minding your own business when May is around is impossible. She was standing in the middle of the hallway hollering at some poor freshman. “I’m doing you a favor. You’re gonna need to toughen up a little bit Gidget. I’m your mentor.” And with that, she grabbed the girl by the arm and pushed her into the closest open locker. “Now you stay there until the tears stop and you can be a big girl. Then I’ll let you out.” WHAM. The locker slammed closed. Everyone heard the terrified whimpering of this 80 pound freshman. No one did anything. May left and went to class. I stood. The hallway emptied. I opened the locker. It was heartbreaking seeing her tear stained face. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Snot running over her lips. Blonde greasy hair falling over her face. She was an easy target. I asked her if she was okay. She nodded and ran to class. I got a tardy. If no one does anything about May, she’ll never stop.

Unwritten Diaries - JT #1

J.T. I don’t shout it from the rooftops. I don’t let anyone see. It’s because I don’t want anyone to know. I keep you for myself. I’ve been close to you. Close enough to smell you. It makes my head spin. All these insane celebrity stalkers that send crazy emails or park outside someone’s home. That’s not me. That will never be me. I’m smarter than that. I keep you for myself. Feel free to come into my home. You’ll find the usual. Couch. Television. Dining room ensemble. There are no banners on the walls, no shrine of your pictures. My computer won’t yield endless Google searches for you. Everything is as it should be. You’re out of my league. Beyond my reach. Untouchable. And for all my smarts, all these useless fucking brains, I still want to be near you. I know it makes no sense. I know it’s irrational. That doesn’t stop the want. I want to bury my hands in your hair and press my lips to your forehead. I want to breathe in until my lungs burst. Breathe so deep it makes me dizzy. I want to run my hands over your shoulders and down your arms. I want to lift your hands to my mouth and kiss each fingertip. I want to wrap my hands around your ribcage and pin you to the wall with my body. I want to feel you press back with desire. I want to taste the salt from your neck. I want to feel the rush of your breath on my shoulder. I want to hear the moment your heart derails your brain. I want to see your eyes when you finally confess how long you’ve loved me. I want you to see me. Not the me everyone sees. The plain, drab shell. The awkward shuffle. The me I’ve buried. The me I only want to share with you. All this tension, and madness. I’m left with aching dreams and a hollow heart. Everyone looks right at me and never sees. Buried treasure in plain sight. Maybe today we’ll brush fingers as I hand you your coffee on set. I’ll stare at your shoes, feigning shyness. I’ll never raise my eyes until you ask. I’m afraid they would betray my soul. Can’t have that. It’s because I don’t want anyone to know. I keep you for myself.