Tuesday, July 29, 2014

TwitterShort Challenge #3



           The first day of school sometimes comes all too quickly. Not this year.

            See, it was my first day of comedy college.

            And fairies take laughter seriously.


            I looked all around the commons and immediately felt at home. Over in the corner were a group of Jesters, those brave fairy masters of pure physical comedy. The art form of self-depreciating humor through trips and bumbles really didn’t make a big splash on the scene before the Middle Ages. Although Jesters are rarely called upon anymore,  I gave them a big smile and a wave as I walked past. One of them stood up to wave back, but the chair slipped out from under him, and he crashed to the floor. Genius.

            Another group you could find on campus was the Twisters. They had a knack for nudging things to set off a ridiculous chain of events. One time I saw a Twister loosen a thread in a mom’s yoga pants when he did the laundry. When she bent over to pick up her kid’s toys, the seam of her britches split wide open. This made her one year old howl with glee. The uncontrollable laughter of the baby startled the cat. The cat scrambled to get away from the shrieking baby and launched itself off the couch and hurdled over the coffee table, knocking off an entire bowl of cheese puffs the mom had been munching. Next thing you know, the peacefully sleeping dog was covered in head to toe in cheese puff dust. Brilliant.

            We even have a highly trained, specialized department called THTSDTMBLAN, more commonly known as The Highly Trained, Specialized Department That Makes Babies Laugh At Nothing. Where that ridiculous acronym came from has to be a story unto it self. The Faders have maybe the hardest job of all. Invisibility. It takes a special type of fairy to be always anonymous and never take credit for one single peal of laughter. The next time you see some kid giggling at thin air, remember to say, “Good job, Fader!” They’ll appreciate that.

            I was headed for none of those departments. I looked down at my portfolio. I had a whole new path for this college to take. My specialty was electronics. I was eager to show the Dean how I had successfully mastered tinkering with gadgets to give them Electronic Tourette’s. That’s right. I could make robots swear. And no one would ever be able to discern why or when it would happen next.

            I was at the Dean’s door. I took a deep breath and knocked.

Thursday, July 24, 2014


Is it worth the laugh?
Always being the jester?
Monsters hide in all
Types of places. 
Inbibe the wine. 
Run toward the danger. 
Everyone stops to watch you

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Sometimes it's hard to breathe
Telling stories to stay alive
Reliving the cuts over and over 
Until you've bled out
Going left
Going right 
Leave your heart at the door until
Everyone's boots have had a turn

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Strung out
Flung out
All the feeling wrung out 
Tap dance
Wide stance
Spear me with another lance
Blood red
Mud head
Never mind the words you said
Last pawn
Fast gone
Will never see another dawn

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


And in bed
I reach down with my hand 
And shove it into my chest
Where a heart should be. 
It grabs at nothing. 
It comes back covered 
In sludge and tar.
A thing alive as it climbs my arm
And threatens to steal my air.
It races up my shoulder. 
It squeezes my neck. 
I gasp and kick
And claw at my face.
And then I wake up
And in bed. 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Filled with overwhelming ugliness.
The forgotten girl. 
The lonely girl. 
She sits on the porch stairs
And keeps looking down the road. 
No one is coming. 
Her straw hair blows in her face. 
Her cheeks burnt by the sun. 
Her shoulders and soul naked. 
No one is there to see. 
The dirt-packed road empty. 
And still she sits. 
Yet the saddest part is
She doesn't even know why she waits.