Square

Misery loves company, or so I've heard before.

It seems to contradict my soul to core.

Alone, alone to hide the beast of me

And keep the image pure and clean and free.

People wouldn't understand the face 

I'd show them in this wretched, ugly place. 

I couldn't stand to have them know that I 

Am so convinced I'm only here to die.  

Much, much better to keep a dream alive

And let them all believe I'm five by five. 

Peace

Years of isolation 

An island of my own making

Staring at the water

It's beautiful 

It's perfect 

I won't touch it 

Don't disturb 

This picture perfect scene

This flawless illusion

My private paradise 

Please don't come here

Don't wake the giant

Don't rattle the chain

It's quite nice here

The storm resides outside this bubble

And I fear you'll bring it with you 

Petal

Each turn of the flower

He loves me

He loves me not

He loves me 

He loves me not

Turn the flower again, girl

The spin makes me dizzy

The scent drives me mad

Keep turning 

Keep plucking 

If only this flower would stop

Regrowing its petals

This long, unending love chase

Has no happily ever after 

Safe

I am difficult to love. 

Full of doubt, insecurity. 

Far too familiar with being used. 

A broken and battered thing. 

Never had time to let the cuts

Turn to scars. 

Exposed and raw. 

Frightened and alone. 

Black and blue. 

Lost and drowning. 

And Harbor is so far away. 

Adore

The single word
Is a lightning bolt
It jolts me awake
It makes me want another
And another
The word is beautiful
Comforting
Addictive
Each time changing me
Into something new
A soul breathing for the first time
Over and over again

The First Lie

 

 

            “Are you okay?”

            It was a simple enough question. And yet instantly time stopped and my brain was flooded with a million thoughts.

            Four years together. Four years that boiled down to this single moment. His confession was surprising but not completely unsuspected. I wasn’t a fool. I just never thought he’d admit it.

            My mind raced to hang on to the good things. The dinners. The laughter. The late night phone calls. My four years were spent telling him any thing and everything.  The first person I’d ever wanted to share all of my truths. And standing on this precipice of knowledge that I’d shared more than I ever had before with someone crushed my soul. I wanted to run away. I wanted to reject his words. I wanted to pretend nothing had changed. And yet here was his truth. His truth staring me in the eyes. His truth breaking my heart into a million pieces. His truth demanding an answer I could not give.

            What benefit was there in telling my truths any more?

             I raised my eyes. 

            “I’m fine.”

 

 

 

Cage

I don't want to go. 

I'm begging. 

Throwing myself at your feet. 

Please don't make me. 

The collar burns my throat. 

You have your boys take my arms. 

Heels dragging. 

Sobbing pleas. 

Pulling me back to the cage. 

I don't want to go back. 

I fight and twist to escape. 

It's for nothing. 

The distant eyes hide feeling. 

The cloaked face reveals nothing. 

I can't go back. 

Please please not again. 

I land hard against the wall of my box. 

The boys leave me. 

And there is the return of The Nothing. 

CLINK goes the lock

That echoes into forever.